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Anyone else feel like a lot of their gay experience is a weird tightrope act between love and lust?

For me, like for many guys I think, being gay originates in all kinds of deeply, even profoundly, romantic feelings, fantasies, fumblings. But growing up gay with all the prejudice of the world can sometimes crush so much of the magic that by the time you're old enough to head out into gay world it gets tarnished.

Sometimes you're wondering if you should slowly woo someone you hugely like because romance and charm will win the day or just bluntly proposition them, cos hey, grab life while you can, or you think they're so much hotter than you that they'd never take you on as a boyfriend but they might be up for some straightforward pleasure if you catch them at the right moment.

Sometimes it's even just your sex life in general. Maybe the hunt on a Friday night and that interesting adventure of a one night stand if you find the right guy is at least something, even though ideally you'd like something more. Maybe you lost a chance at love because, after lust took over, neither of you has the necessary respect for each other for love to develop.

Sometimes you even question - or at least I do - your tastes. and what it says about your own depth as a person. Is it the human being you want? Or just a certain physical shell?

I've always said to myself that I'm not that bothered about love. I actually distrust the whole idea, because I'm not even sure what "love" means. For me, "affection" is a more meaningful description of my feelings.

Still, apart from the times when I've been in a relationship and somehow it all works out and I don't even ask myself these kind of questions, the rest of the time I'm aware of a weird tension between my drive for sex, and my drive for love.

Does this make sense to anyone else?